Lilly!
OK, guess who is crushing big time?
Oh, Miley, not again, even Jeff Gordon makes a pit stop every once in a while!
I am not talking about me!
Although, uh, tall, dark and yummy over there is definitely on my radar!
Miley!
Right.
Anyhoo, I'm talking about Oliver. He is in love.
Are you sure? I was just in the girls bathroom and there was nobody sobbing "Why me? Why me?".
I'm sure. I just saw him upstairs and he was totally distracted and "spacy".
Guess you're right. That's love. Painful, painful love.
Hey, how's it going? Nice kicks. Timmy!
Spill it Oliver, who is she?
Who's who?
The girl who you've fallen for... all the way down the stairs!
There's no girl.
Oh, really? Then, uh, how do you explain this box of chocolates?
Alright, fine, they're for a girl.
What's her name?
Guys she's not even in our grade, you don't know her.
Come on, you know you wanna tell us.
Yeah! Come on, come on, come on, come on!
Tell us, tell us, tell us, tell us!
Come on!
Tell us!
Come on!
Tell us!
Come on!
Tell us!
Come on guys, just leave me alone! OK?
Meow!
I've never seen him like this.
I know. Maybe we should respect his privacy.
Yeah. Although, if we respect it too long, we'll lose his trail. Come on!
Oh!
Thank you Oliver.
The ones with the little squigglies on top are the best.
I'm going to take A.P. English.
And I say A.P. Water Polo.
Good night, nurse! Oliver is crushing on someone old enough to remember The Beatles!
The who?
Them too!
♪ Come on! ♪
♪ You get the limo out front ♪
♪ Hottest styles, every shoe, every color ♪
♪ Yeah when you're famous it can be kind of fun ♪
♪ It's really you but no one ever discovers ♪
♪ Who would have thought that a girl like me ♪
♪ Would double as a superstar ♪
♪ You get the best of both worlds ♪
♪ Chill it out, take it slow ♪
♪ Then you rock out the show ♪
♪ You get the best of both worlds ♪
♪ Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both worlds ♪
Well, he did say she wasn't in our grade!
Not our grade? She ain't in our generation!
Ooh, hey that's a good one! I can't wait to use it on him!
No! You can't! Remember in seventh grade when you had a crush on Monsieur Garneau, the French teacher?
Vaguely.
Please! You wore a béret and said "oui-oui" so much, people started calling you Tinkles Truscott.
OK, fine! But people made fun of me, I got over it, now nobody even remembers!
Hey, Tinkles! We've got same stale French fries here!
And you know how you like things that are old and French!
Ooh, la la!
That was two years ago!
Yeah! She's had a ton of boyfriends since then!
OK, fine, two. And Lucas cheated on her, so that doesn't really count.
And the other one she took to court, but if you...
Stop helping me!
I get it. We can't make fun of Oliver.
For this. Everything else is fair game, right?
Of course. Now we've just gotta protect him from the trash-talking twins.
How?
Simple. We get him nursing on a new crush, not crushing on an old nurse.
Another good one I can't use.
Come on!
Mum, you may wanna sit down for this one. Jackson, you're grandson, got a B.
I told you, you may wanna sit down.
Yep, and it's all because of this new girlfriend he's got.
I'll tell you what, she is as smart as a whip and you ain't gonna believe what an influence she's been on him.
Hey, here they come, I gotta go, if you can't get up, call me back.
There he is! My B boy and his A+ lady!
Dad!
Hi Mr. Stewart.
Little lady, from now on you can just call me Happy Pappy.
He's not really my dad. I was left on his doorstep. By a wizard.
Oh son, come on now, I didn't mean to embarrass you, but look at this! You made the refrigerator!
I'm sorry, I just got a little dust in my eye, that's all.
Wow. What'll he do when he finds out about your A on the history quiz?
Oh, that's a risk I can't take!
OK, I'm just gonna go for a jog now and leave you two to your... "studying". I'm sorry. More dust!
Hey Monica! Yeah, we're studying for the Chem test.
I don't know, he's cute, but I'm just not feeling it anymore.
I was gonna break up with him today.
But I just can't.
I'll wait until after the test tomorrow.
Pull it together old man! It's not like it's the last B I'll ever get!
Wanna bet?
OK, who's the lucky lady who's gonna break the "nurse curse"?
Hey, what about Stephanie? She's cute!
And on last year's field trip she sat in front of Oliver...
Oh yeah. He scarfed down three hot dogs before they got on the bus.
And she was wearing them when they got off!
No problem, I'm sure there's plenty of girls for Oliver.
Yeah, well let's see.
Tricked her, sat on her lunch, spilled on, spilled on.
Oh, and poor Pamela.
- The only survivor of the Oken natural gas disaster of 2006. - Ew!
This may be harder than we thought.
Oh no, there she is. Sweet old lady doesn't suspect a thing!
Lover boy's at it again, let's go!
Hey guys, what's up? Oh, Miley, did you get hit by a football again?
No.
Soccer ball?
No.
Boomerang?
No, I'm fine! This isn't about me.
It's about Oliver, and you, and the chocolates, and that note.
So you know?
Yeah.
Oh, I am so glad he told you.
You are?
Absolutely!
He wanted this to be uh... our little secret. But I told him it was nothing to be ashamed of.
You did?
Of course! Oliver didn't ask for this to happen, I mean... none of us ever do.
But when it does you can either run away from it or you can embrace it!
And you want him to embrace it?
Oh, I begged him to and now that he has... I couldn't be happier!
You're kidding me, right?
Why would I kid about Oliver having diabetes?
What?
Oliver has diabetes?
Of course, what did you think I was talking about?
Diabetes!
Oliver has diabetes! She meant to say it with the period, but she said it with a question mark by mistake. Right Lilly?
Ar... oh yeah. It's a teenage girl thing.
We all do it.
My mum hates it.
Wait a minute, you didn't think that Oliver...
No!
Because I would never...
Of course not!
I mean, Oliver?
We know.
I mean, let's face it. You still have a couple of good years left, you could do a lot better.
Gee, thanks.
Poor Oliver.
I know. I just wanna give him a big hug.
Oh, this is why he gave her the chocolates. So he wouldn't eat them.
When you have diabetes you're not supposed to have a lot of sugar.
Wait a minute, you guys didn't know, did you?
Uh-uh.
Oh boy. OK, listen.
You can live a very full life with diabetes, but this is still all very new to Oliver and he's struggling with it.
So please, let him tell you, OK?
But, what if he doesn't?
Yeah, we're his friends, I mean, we wanna help him.
So you're just gonna have to be patient, OK?
OK, we can do that.
We can't do this!
I know, look at him!
You know how he is with candy.
But Miley, you heard the nurse, we promised we'd chill.
I think we've chilled long enough!
If sugar boy won't tell us the truth, we're gonna have to coax it out of him.
Great idea.
Hey buddy pal! Did I tell you I got new brand new shoes and a new watch?
But enough about me, what's new with you, huh, huh, huh?
Just ar... keeping the old planet green.
Paper goes in here.
I may have come on a little too strong.
Ya think?
It says here that Oliver's body just doesn't process sugar the way it's supposed to.
But if he takes his insulin and doesn't eat to many sweets, he can lead a normal life.
I don't know now why he's so afraid to tell us.
I could totally help him stay away from sugar.
I agree. You are quite the little role model.
That's not the point. I mean, he's gotta tell us eventually. What's he waiting for?
I can't imagine. It's not like you didn't tell him you were Hannah Montana right off the bat.
- I mean, you didn't keep him waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting... - I got the point Captain Subtle.
Hey, I got a great idea, why don't you take him to Traci's party tonight? Hang out, have fun, get his mind off things.
That's actually a good idea!
I do have those on occasion, you know. It's not like I'm one of those dopey TV dads!
You keep telling yourself that big fella.
Oh, my little B boy! I hardly knew ya!
OK, OK, so what do you call a pig who knows karate?
A pork chop! Ha-ya!
Jackson! Allison! You're here! Together, that's great!
You are a b-eautiful couple!
Don't worry, he always gets like this just before nappy time, huh? I'll be right back.
Don't blow this for me! She said she wants to "talk" and I think we both know what that means.
Well, one of us does.
I don't have time for you riddles old man, just go!
Go, go, go, go, go... go, go, go!
Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye! I am just dancing over to you because I can't wait
to talk.
Ready when you are.
Actually, I really did wanna talk.
Really?
OK, well I guess we could... you know, start with that.
Listen, Jackson.
Hey, uh, before I take my nap I just wanted to say to you that you are the best girlfriend Jackson has ever had!
Ever!
He's had a lot of, I cannot keep the ladies off of this one.
Dad, we're trying to have a little conversation here!
Conversation? Oh, you don't wanna do that. Talking's the quickest way to ruin a relationship!
Hey, let me ask you, have you kissed him yet?
All the ladies say he's got lips like butter.
Dad!
Oh, son, don't be modest. You know, Stewart men only get better-looking with age.
Exhibit A.
Could you excuse us?
OK.
Hey, did I happen to mention he's gonna inherit a lot of money?
What are you doing?
I'm trying to get you into college!
How? By humiliating me?
By saving this relationship.
I heard her on the phone yesterday, she gonna break up with you.
What?
Sorry son.
Is that true? You wanna break up with me?
Yeah!
And I didn't know exactly how to say it. Thank you so much Mr. Stewart.
Wow! That was easier than I thought!
It's just so unfair! I did everything I could! What more did she want?
Look, these things happen.
How could you be so OK with this?
Well, I just found out that I'm gonna inherit a ton of money!
And get even better-looking!
And you said I needed college! Yeah, wow!
Come on, let's go, it'll be fine.
You guys, I'm really not up for this, OK? I'm just gonna head home.
And leave us to party without our best friend? I don't think so. You're our go-to goatee guy.
Yeah, whatever is going on in your life, you gotta freaky-freaky-forget about it, for one night.
You know guys, you're right. Tonight, tonight I am not Oliver. I'm Mike Standley. And I'm gonna go "o-wiki-wiki wild"!
Now you're talking.
OK, let's go get down, let's get funky.
Let's get the heck out of here!
Eep!
Wow!
Hannah!
Welcome to my sweet sixteen! Emphasis on the sweet!
Weren't you sixteen two years ago?
Shh! Mother tells me I have to hold at sixteen as long as she's holding at thirty-nine.
Hello Lola.
Hallo Traci.
Who is this big piece of scrumptious? Someone can't keep their eyes off me!
I don't think it's you he's drooling over.
Uh, and anyway, we were just leaving yet, come on, scrumptious!
Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever you say. OK, I'm going this way.
Thanks for bringing me arm candy, how à propos.
I know! Cool, isn't it?
I have to let some more people fall over me. In the meantime, try a little dibble of this.
Ciao! Rawr!
I can't do this, so I won't.
Oh, who am I kidding?
Thank you!
Dance with me!
Why? Nobody else is dancing!
No one else is wearing a beard made of cat hair, that didn't stop you!
Come on, let's dance.
[Muffled]
OK, OK...
Hey, 'sup?
Hey, give me a break, I'm saving a life here!
Ain't this fun?
No! We've been dancing for over a hour and for some reason I haven't been able to eat anything!
OK? Just back off and give me some space!
I don't know how much longer I can do this.
You? I've spent the entire night devouring everything Oliver has even looked at!
I've eaten my entire weight in cupcakes alone! Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Sweet niblets!
No, you can't!
Why not?
Because you have... haven't seen my magic trick.
What?
Oh, there's my scrumptious!
I am so done with sweet sixteens!
Ta-da!
What is wrong with you?
We know about your diabetes.
You do?
Sorry.
We found out from the nurse, she didn't mean to tell us, she's really nice, I see how you could've had a crush on her, not that you did...
Oh man, what wouldn't I give for a slime machine or a stomach pump right now!
Why didn't you tell us?
I don't know.
I was... I was scared, OK? And I still am.
You know, I... I want this so bad! But I just... I just can't have it!
I know. We're your best friends and, believe me, I know we can't make it go away.
But we can help you through it.
Oh great. Now... now I'm just your sick friend?
No! You are gonna be the same, goofy, clumsy, wonderful friend you've always been.
Who happens to be a diabetic. It won't change anything between us.
I guess I should've known that. Thank you guys.
It's just one of the things that best friends share, I mean, like my Hannah secret or the birthmark shaped like a poodle on Lilly's butt.
Hey!
What?
Oopies!
But let's get home.
Ha! Don't think about it!
Don't think about what?
He did a cartwheel to celebrate, tore up his shoulder, and never played again.
Now he owns some pasta place in Pasadena.
Hey, what happened to your wig?
Long story.
Let me just say this is all that's left of it.
Must've been one heck of a party.
It was. And, uh, we finally talked to Oliver and he told us everything.
Yeah, I think he's finally coming out of his shell about it.
I didn't ask for diabetes, it just popped up you see, but now that I've got it, nothing's changed, I'm still me.
Havin' 'betes just means that me and sugar don't mesh, but it's all good, 'cause I'm still freaky-freaky fresh, word!
Who's wishing he kept the secret?
Me!